


Two Nights Merge

by CoffeesForFuckers



Category: New Girl
Genre: Angst, Episode: s02e23 Virgins, F/M, Fluff, Funny, Romance, Romantic Comedy, They compare and Nick gets hurt, what if Jess was too drunk and got mixed up between her first and second
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 21:30:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12849900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeesForFuckers/pseuds/CoffeesForFuckers
Summary: What if Jess got so drunk that she mixed up her first and second time?"And then I lost my virginity in the men’s bathroom handicap stall at The Griffin to the most beautiful woman that I had ever laid my eyes on."





	Two Nights Merge

**Author's Note:**

  * For [newgirlystuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/newgirlystuff/gifts).



We all sit around in the living room on a Saturday night. I had the night off of work and Jess was just waiting for a date that she had planned for later. She says that it’s just a drink but we all know what that means.

Teddy had taken her flower she says and also insists that it was worse than any of our experiences.

“Jess, we don’t need the prequel shit.” Schmidt rolls his eyes, “Mine was worse anyway.” He scoffs.

“Fine then, tell us yours.”

“It was college, sophmore year.” He starts and I groan. Sadly, I could tell this story. I really,  _ really  _ wish that I couldn’t. The memory is forever burned into my head.

“Please don’t do this.” I beg.

“Shut it, Nick.” Schmidt hushes, “Anyway, it was sophomore year and I was still fat. Emily was the only girl that had ever loved me in that time and I wanted to show her that I loved her too.”

“Dear god, make it stop.” I rest my face in my hands.

“I bought the lube to make sure that we had a pleasure filled time.”

“It was fucking surgical lube, Schmidt.” I grumble into my palms.

“Nick, how do you even know that?” Cece asks me and I glared up at her from between my fingers.

“I was his roommate and he shared  _ everything  _ with me…” I shiver at the thought.

“Anyway. So, Nick was supposed to be at a concert but he got high on shrooms and thought there was a troll at the end of his bed that was threatening him and also that his arm and the wall were magnetic.”

“Hey! That was as real as it gets, Schmidt!” I shout, pointing at him accusingly.

“Okay, Nick.” He nods and gives a fake smile, “Well, while this idiot tried to army crawl from the room, I, after stripping down to the nude-”

“Please don’t continue,  _ please  _ don’t continue.” I chant to myself.

“Fall from the bed and-”

“This fucking lardass landed on me!” I toss my arms up, “I will never,  _ never  _ forget the sight.” I tremble and get to my feet.

“Oh my god.” Jess makes a face, “Mine is still worse.” She insists.

“How is yours worse!?” I almost gag, “Winston. You need to tell yours.”

“But mine was amazing!” He insists, “Mysteria was a classy buisness woman.” He tries to defend and everybody looks at us like we’re crazy, “And Octopussy was a very wonderful lady herself!”

“ _ Octopussy _ !?” Jess yells in shock. 

“Oh my god you lost your virginity to prostitutes!?” Cece chokes on her drink, “Oh  _ god _ , Nick, you lost yours to Octopussy didn’t you!?”

“No! God! No!” I shake my head vigorously, “I chickened out.”

“They weren’t prostitutes!” Argues Winston.

“They were, Winston.” I nod.

“How do you know!?” Yells Winston in denial.

“My dad told me! He made me promise not to tell you!” I get loud, “He sat me down and told me that they were prostitutes and that it’s a Miller family tradition!” 

“I-... Mysteria…” Winston suddenly loses the light from his eyes as he tips over on the couch and hugs onto a pillow.

“Okay, wow…” Cece purses her lips, “Well, I lost mine to Mick Jagger.” She shrugs and Schmidt nearly collapses.

“You-... You had sex with… Mick Jagger…?” His face gets even paler than normal somehow.

“Yeah, prom night.” She sounds like it’s no big deal.

“How is that bad?” I narrow my gaze at her.

“It’s not. I just like telling it.” She shrugs with an awkward smirk.

“Okay, Jess, beat those two stories and you win.” I say, “I will give you fifty-dollars if you can beat them.”

“Oh, I will.” She smirks at me, “I had just moved here and was living with Cece. Her and I decided to hang out at The Griffin. We had been sipping at our drinks and I was stressing over having still not lost my virginity.” 

“Oh my god, get this over with.” Groans Schmidt.

Jess rolls her eyes, “ _ So _ , Cece points behind me to a group of three guys. They’re weird and gross, all sharing one massive beer. I laugh and tell her hell no and that’s when I spot the guy from prom. Cece abandons me once I get to talking with him.”

“It was so sad to watch you attempt to flirt.” Cece mumbles and gets a sideways glance from Jess.

“The hot guy from prom and I talk for hours and soon he asks me if I want to get out of there with him. Both of us were not in the best of living situations at the time, so, therefore, we end up in a playground with our clothes off in the plastic play castle. The problem with all of this is that the guy couldn’t get hard to save his damn life! After two hours there was nothing and in attempt to shift around in the plastic castle, the two of us end up stuck in the entrance for the rest of the night. A kids birthday party the next morning was what got the firefighters there to free us.”

“So you didn’t even have sex!” I call.

“I’m not done yet! Shut it, Miller!” She points at me, “So, while they were freeing us, the guy said he was gay and I was carried away by the beautiful and lanky man that rescued me whose name was Teddy.” She smiles, “And then he brought me home and we had some alright sex.”

“You don’t deserve fifty-dollars.” I stand and make my way to the kitchen.

“Oh god! Look at the time!” Gasps Cece, “I have to go!” 

Everybody jumps from the couch and files out of the door, all except Jess who is slower as her ‘date’ hasn’t texted her yet.

“Hey, Jess.” I speak, reentering the room.

“Hey, Nick.” She looks me over.

“Um, so…” I wring my hands as I attempt to find the right words.

“Are you alright?” Jess worries.

“Yeah! I’m fine.” I dismiss.

“So, you never told how you lost yours…” Jess swallows hard and chuckles a little bit. She smiles and I feel myself swoon. I had such a thing for her.

“Um, well, about that.” I bite my lip, “I, well… You know how.” I shrug at a loss for words.

“What do you mean, Nick?” Jess narrows her gaze slightly.

“I know you lied to the others about all of that.” I say genuinely and she looks as though she was going to deck me.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Nick?” She glares at me.

“Alright. Sit down.” I sigh and she unwillingly obeys.

“You better explain quickly.”

_ It’s the year before I drop out of law school.   _

_ I’m in a booth with fat-Schmidt and Winnie and we are just downing beer after beer.  _

_ Then there was this girl, “Look at her, Nick. My god, look at her. She’s like an amazonian princess.” My fat-friend keeps babbling about the caramel skinned beauty at the bar with the long black hair and the slutty clothing. _

_ I keep noticing the girl that’s with her. The girl with big, blue, deer eyes and glasses, her hair flipped to the side and her bangs keep falling into those baby-blues. She’s absolutely perfect. _

_ I see her talking to the amazonian princess, who points at us while we were fucking around and drinking a glass of beer bigger than the fat kid next to me. The blues glances back and she starts to laugh, turning back to her friend and shaking her head as she spoke. _

_ Like I would have a chance with somebody as gorgeous as her. _

_ I was the twenty-whatever-year-old with the acne and long brown hair and a shitty goatee that hung around with the fat kid and the ‘basketball player’ that fought constantly. _

_ Then the beautiful girl is alone with a boy that was better than I would ever be. They’re hitting it off and I can’t stop watching with jealousy. She laughed at me. _

_ Things are going so well until I notice him say something to the bartender who hands him a slip of paper and a pen. The guy writes something on it and hands it to the girl before leaving her alone. She looks so disappointed. _

_ I get up and order another beer at the counter. _

_ “Hey, and an Old Fashioned for the pretty lady over there.” I say to the bartender once I’d been handed another overly-sized beer.  _

_ I don’t even realize that the man would point me out until I see him hand her the drink and exchange some words with her and pointed at me. _

_ I see her eyes light up as she giggles to herself and she takes a sip of the drink. She beams and gets up, walking over to me, drink in hand. _

_ “Hey, did you buy me this drink?” Even her voice is as beautiful as the rest of her. _

_ I pretend I didn’t hear her and she proceeds to sit next to me in the booth, “Are you the kid with the shitty hair that he was talking about?” She bumps my shoulder lightly and I look shyly up at the beauty before me. _

_ “Sounds like it…” I feel my face burning. Both fat-Schmidt and Winnie stare at me with wide eyes. _

_ “I’m Jess.” She sticks a hand out to me and it takes me a while to take it. _

_ “Nick.” I end up murmuring to myself like an idiot. _

_ “It’s nice to meet you, Nick… Thanks for the Old Fashioned.” She smiles and I expect her to leave but she reaches into her glass and places the cherry on her tongue and olds it in place with her top teeth. She gingerly swipes it into her mouth and I feel faint.  _

_ She’s amazing. _

_ “I-... I… Yeah. No problem.” I stutter. _

_ “How about we grab a few drinks and maybe head out?” She runs her hand over my thigh. _

_ I stammer so hard that it probably looked like I was having some form of stroke. Fat-Schmidt smacks me in the back and I finally blurt out a yes. _

_ And then she gets up and gives me a hand to help me. _

_ She has me sit at the bar with her, we make pointless small talk but I truly enjoy it. I really like this girl. _

_ And then I lost my virginity in the men’s bathroom handicap stall at The Griffin to the most beautiful woman that I had ever laid my eyes on. _

_ She put her number in my phone that night too and told me that for her first time, it was a good one. _

_ She said it was a night she would never forget. _

_ I was stupid and didn’t call her. _

_ I didn’t call her until she moved in with me. _

It takes forever to get through my story but Jess listens and everything seems to come back to her.

“I-...” Her voice is so soft, “Nick, I was so drunk and you never called… I’m so sorry.” She looks full of remorse.

“No, it’s fine. I didn’t expect you to remember something so stupid.” I wave it off, “And if any of the guys ask, Alison Daniels, on a towel in the woods. It was nice.”

Her phone goes off and she pulls it from her bag, “Teddy.” She almost frowns, “What do you think?” She asks me. Jess is asking me if I think she should go on a date with some guy and I say nothing. I just stare and she walks out.

I feel so damn stupid.

I hurry out after her and my arm goes into the elevator doors just before they close.

“Nick, what are you-”

“Let’s not think about it.” I pick her up bridal style and carry her back to the loft. Jess wraps her arms around my neck and she watches me as I carry her to my room. 

We say nothing, she doesn’t say no when I stand by my bed waiting for permission.

She kisses me and I set her down on top of the sheets.

I finally get to relive the best night of my life, only this time it will be proper and I won’t forget to call.

 

 


End file.
